Sometimes i dunno wat i really wan...why am i always like this...Why cant i just control myself...WHY WHY WHY??!!??!!!why i put so much effot and energy into something tat completely doesnt belong to me..is it worth it?i dunno either...why am i helping a boy to take care of his own girl...why can i bare seeing her feeling helpless,streesed.....again i dunno...WAT SHOULD I REALLY DO?this sentence has been hovering in my mind all night long...i can even sleep...when we were together,we seldom talk...even when we talk its when we fight and punches and pinches comes flying along...when we are in a group,she doesnt even talk to me..nt to mention saying my name,telling me thins specifically to me...not even a glance at me...wat i am doing...i will feel much better if u talk to me...be it scolding beating but i just wan yr attention...call me EMO a boy like me...i dun care wat u guys think of me..i just cant take it anymore....why sometimes i can put up a brave front of pple even though my heart is feeling bad....why sometimes i just succumb to disappointment and setbacks...i dunno!!!! when other pple talk to her or disturb her...she will just rattle on with words used on me when i first koe her and most distinct is the tone.."go away lah....idiot" with "GO AWAY I DUN WANNA TALK TO YOU IRRITATING"....just dunno why she always use words like this one me but cleary pple are irritating her more then i do?calling her fat,auntie...i never actually say her anyway....Sometimes i think if this phrase is true: "U scold coz u care,u beat coz u love." IS THIS REALLY TRUE?I DUNNO AGAIN!!???!!!???i am just lost in LALA land...wateva land u call it...pple think tat i am carefree,no siblings no disturbance or wateva....can do wateva u wan....mum cares for u....I TELL U FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT CAREFREE OR WATEVA...i started looking at the bright side...she scolds me coz she care for me and she beats me coz i am something to her...if this is the case i will be damn happy....if not....i really dunno wat is gonna happen...living day by day...thinking of nth tml when u slp really sucks....even when u r bored,u expect her to be there for u...she takes it tat i am CRAZY again..yes crazy again....i dun blame her coz last time i realy was like dat...but now i dun ever do these things again....Some pple say wat u give not equals to wat u get...Agree or Disagree?i dunno....u will never koe wats the feeling when u put in so much effort just to get a little attention from her...insteads one words comes to you :"ya ok u go do yr things bb"....be it i am busy or wat...i will still wan to talk to u....i koe its wrong of me to do things or say things these way but this is how i feel nowadays....Consider tat i mean something to her...means she should be treating me better?then why am i talking all these now....i just dun understnad...family?friends?relationship?...i dunno but somethings just is amiss....i am not blaming you or anyone.....but i cant just solve this problem...no body to talk to i expect u to hear wat i feel but u didnt....saw this somewhere:"Sometimes u blog for fun,to share yr experiences.Sometimes u blog for a specific person to view and koe wat yr heart feel."sometimes talking to the person directly isnt the right idea when just simply thinks tat u r irritating...YES I AM IRRITATING!!!!!!but have u ever thought i can be this irritating becuse i care for u...too much untill the plan backfired...Why u wanna be liek this just be normal friends is wat u think?why must u be like dat....i dunno also...Now i really koe why pple say relationship be it love or friends cannot be forced....if u can think in this way we wont be the way we r now....seeing u talking to others when i am just beside u...seeing u sharing yr burden with someone else when i am beisde u when u always share yr problems with me...lending u my shoulder last time....i dunno wat came between us?we not fated?guess so?maybe not?i dunno again!!!!guess this is the peak of our relationship as friends...the more we go on the more i feel bad..the more u find me irritating....tell me if u have problems or wat happened to make u liek this....letting me koe would be better instead of just thinking i am irriating....anyway i still regard me as my best friend ever..believe it or not i can die for u...talk cock?YES!!!.....its ok if u dun believe me...i dun wanna put pressure on u anymore...
